<Rian'vys should get a new journal. This one has the Silvermoon crest on the cover, embossed into the leather. The thing looks quite old as well and it's mostly filled already. Nearly all his writing is in Thalassian.>
Writing this before I get drunk rather than after and have a headache parsing through it. I got a new job guarding some researchers here in Silvermoon. One of them told me they're on the cusp of a breakthrough. Magical research isn't my forte - it's all over my head - but it sounds interesting from what I can gather. Something about the Void and making it safe to use? I've seen plenty of shadow priests, they seemed fine, but maybe I'm missing something.
Really, so long as I get my drinking money, I don't care what they're up to. It would be nice to have a connection to some great advancement, though. Maybe I could raise my going wage if they could name drop me a bit. Guards get shared credit, right? Haha. Really, though, I have a good feeling about this. After all that Uncrowned stuff, helping the war effort, I think I'm getting a taste for this honest adventuring work. I also don't want to add to my rap sheet. There's enough there already.
<Hastily written to the point of ink smudging in places:>
This was a mistake. This was a big mistake. I'm in too deep. It's so bad.
I've been exiled. Exiled. Exiled from Silvermoon and likely from the Horde entirely. What was I even thinking, taking this job. They seemed normal! I didn't think we'd get kicked out! The guards didn't believe that I was just a hired hand! It was probably my record. I bet it was my record.
Thrall's balls, I don't know what to do. We're camped out in the Ghostlands and I'm losing it. The Ghostlands. I've avoided this place since the war for a reason. It's gone. I checked. Even the foundations. Half of it would be in the Scar anyway.
I'm also almost out of alcohol and I don't think anyone else brought any with them. Or if they did, they aren't sharing yet and I've asked around. I'm so fucked. I half want to sneak back into the city if only to grab stuff out of my apartment but I bet they're watching for that. I'm not just a petty criminal now, I'm a damn faction exile. I need a drink. I need like eighty drinks.
And I only have my pajamas and my emergency interview outfit in my bag. That's it. Not even a damn change of socks. I'm washing out my stuff in a nearby pond that's probably still Scourged to hell and back so I'm not stinking yet but it's suffering.
Almost as bad as being KICKED OUT OF THE HORDE.
I'm so dead.
<Less hastily written. There are drops of ink in places, as if writing parts took some time.>
It got worse. Somehow, it got worse. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened. It's a lot. It's so much.
Okay, from the top.
So the leader of the researchers, Magister Umbric, he'd been leading us with a real purpose even after we got KICKED OUT OF THE HORDE, I have to keep repeating that. KICKED OUT. OF THE HORDE. OUT. Okay, so he said the plan was still on, right? I mean, I've never been IN on this plan, I'm just a guard. I stab, steal, and shoot what I'm paid to stab, steal, and shoot. Anyway. So he said there's this artifact and we need to get it. I still don't know what it was, let's be honest. I don't really care. But I stuck with these crazy folks because I, too, have been KICKED OUT OF SILVERMOON and I don't have anywhere else to go, right? So why not.
SO, we get moving. We go across the Ghostlands, which was a trip down memory lane I sure didn't need sober. And then. AND THEN!!! He said we have to go to this other planet. I'm thinking it'll be something like Outland, you know? Maybe a bit Legioned and cracked but not too bad. NOPE!! GUESS AGAIN! I walk through this void rift - more on that later - and show up in this VOID PLANET. IN THE VOID. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN. EVERYTHING WAS PURPLE.
They were all fine with it so I went along with it, too. Maybe they'll pay me, right? (They haven't yet. I'm still waiting.) So we spend time there. I kinda got used to it after a bit. It's a little creepy with all the swirling purple around but it's not bad. No guards to EXILE YOU FROM SILVERMOON CITY, so you know, that's a plus. I'm not a researcher and I can't do much magic - my little mage hand isn't going to impress these big name magic users - so I just mostly hold stuff. Carry stuff where they point. Grunt work, but at least I'm not on my own.
Oh boy do I wish I had been on my own.
So then shit gets really weird.
ALLERIA FUCKING WINDRUNNER shows up. I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS ALIVE. I wanted to get her autograph but she was pretty busy talking to the magister. Something about void transformations. Boy I wish I'd listened. I'm beating myself up that I didn't. That might have helped, because WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
ETHEREALS SHOWED UP. VOID ONES. Apparently, from asking around, there were some like that in Mac'Aree. Did I go to Argus? Once. To Krokuun. Why does this happen to me.
Anyway, so that's the last I really remember. I think I blacked out. All I felt was this
<Many drops of ink. A few words are scratched out and unreadable.>
I can't even describe it. It wasn't great. I don't like thinking about it. Then I opened my eyes and BAM. I'm purple. I'm fucking purple. I look at my hands, they're fucking purple. My NAILS are BLACK for fuck's sake. I haven't painted my nails since Those Years, so that was uncomfortable. I look around, EVERYONE ELSE IS PURPLE, TOO. Well, not quite. Some are paler than I am. Maybe a bit blue? Either way, we aren't pink elves anymore. We look like the damn kaldorei but shorter and probably better looking.
Everyone else is handling it better than I am.
Anyway, so ALLERIA FUCKING WINDRUNNER, I cannot get over this, ALLERIA. THE ALLERIA. DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT HER SISTER? I'M NOT GOING TO TELL HER.
SO, she and her crew head out of another void rift. To where, you ask? STORMWIND. STORM. WIND. ALLIANCE HQ. THAT STORMWIND. Comes back with the news that ANDUIN WRYNN HIMSELF okay'd us joining the Alliance. My head was about to explode. And without any other explanation, we're told we can head on through to Stormwind. As if that's normal! Just some sin'dorei heading in to the Alliance capital! Nothing to see here! We've never been shoot on sight before! Not us!
Not that we're sin'dorei anymore. I think the hot new word is ren'dorei. Void elves, in Common. WHICH I GUESS I NEED TO WORK ON. I haven't spoken Common in years. I'd chat with some nostalgic Forsaken in it, that's about it, and both of them are permanently dead now. I miss them. ANYWAYS.
So now I'm here in Stormwind, hiding the fuck out in this back alley I found. I doubt we'll get a warm welcome. Apparently the Lightforged from Argus are joining up here, too, but they're draenei. They'll be fine. Super welcomed, I bet. The Alliance loves the Light more than the Blood Knights do, I swear.
And that's it! Didn't even get paid. Got a nice copied letter from Wrynn Junior saying we're welcome to join, blah blah. Bet that'll help if some muscle paladin takes issue with my VOID HAIR. Have I even mentioned that yet? I have. Void tentacles. On my head. And one keeps following me. It's bad. It's terrible. I can FEEL IT when I TOUCH THEM. It's like someone merged me with a draenei's head.
The only good news is that I got alcohol again. It's dwarf stuff so it's strong. The taste is weird but it's better than the swill they sold in Orgrimmar. Goblin cocktails I'm going to miss. Do gnomes make good drinks? I guess I'll find out. It's so weird seeing small pale people instead of small green ones. At least they're less explosive. I hope they're less explosive and that that wasn't just a rumor.
I'm going to drink myself unconscious now. I wish I could just wake up and have all this be a really, really nasty nightmare and I'll be nicely tucked in my own bed and have my own clothes and my booze closet and my food. I don't have anywhere to stay. I spent half of what I had on alcohol and I don't know when I'll have money again. I can't blow it all on a single inn room for a night. I found a nice planter. I'm going to camp out there. I'm turning into a fucking kaldorei, aren't I. I'll never forgive myself if I wind up into trees.
I hope this shit of a situation improves, and soon.
Went out drinking last night with a person. Haven't done that in a while. Her name is Marbelma Snowshoe. A dwarf. The name probably is obvious. She was nice! Only a few awkward questions but we got that out of the way fast.
I should back up, though.
I joined a group. The Servitors of Lothar. They were the first (only) one to respond to my job letters so I'm here now. They're in Aerie Peak, which is away from busy-as-shit Stormwind and all its judgy people. I'm glad to be away. Although I was back there again today. I'll be honest, I have absolutely no idea why we were there. The others mostly seemed to get it. Celi, my ren'dorei pal, she was probably in the same boat as me. They're looking for this big human who I think is in the guild, too? And he's missing? Something about Scarlets with a Light weapon that can destroy lots of undead? The Forsaken would shit themselves if they heard about that. It's weird being around less undead, honestly. I think there was a Death Knight there tonight? She was a bit of a robot. Can gnomes make Death Knight robots? I wouldn't be surprised. She didn't blow up, though. That was refreshing.
So we show up to talk to this lady (Sindia, human) and I spot her first. I'm still proud of that. Showing my skills. Anyway, so we talk to her. She was a Scarlet once? But left? And then these guys show up. Scarlets. They've been watching the place, I think. Maybe those crimsoned priests I saw tattled on us. I tried telling everyone I saw red sashes but no one really listened. It's probably because I'm an elf. That I'm that kind of elf. Maybe they think I haven't been around priests much. One of them - get this - said that crimson was a popular priest color. As if a sin'dorei might not get that. HAH. Boy do they not know what Silvermoon is like. Between the priests and the Blood Knights, we have a holy contingent probably bigger than Stormwind's. There's so many Blood Knights. You can't go five feet without bumping into one. I'm getting off topic.
So they jumped us. Well, we saw them enter but then they jumped us. I haven't been in a big scuffle in years. I don't like big scuffles. I had a nice table to stay behind, though. I only got smited once. That hurt. It hurt more than I remember it hurting before. It's the void or whatever, I bet. I don't know much about that. I should find someone to ask. Even being in the Cathedral was uncomfortable. Is this how Forsaken feel? I can't really write back and ask now. Reynold and Kevin never talked about it much.
I miss them. They'd probably be mad I got let into the Alliance when they couldn't. Man, I need a drink again. I made myself sad thinking about them.
Drink gotten. This dwarf downstairs, Truck? Truk? Truc? I don't know how to spell dwarf names. I think it's Truck. He's really into cherry. I hate cherry. I don't have enough money to yet to bribe him to get better stuff. I'll just pinch my nose and chug it really fast.
So, these big Scarlets show up. I shot one's eye out! And I stabbed the other to death! I did good! No one said anything but I'm sure they're impressed. Not every rogue on the street is good with a crossbow AND stabbing. I shouldn't have gotten so up close to that one guy but he was choking out Sindia. We couldn't afford to lose our information source so something had to be done and my crossbow wasn't doing it.
Holy shit, I just realized this is it. This is me being an honest adventurer. What we did in the Cathedral? That wasn't illegal! I don't have a warrant for it! We were actually kinda the heroes! This is so new. We didn't even have to break in! I'm not used to just, you know, walking in and doing whatever we're sent to do. I didn't even steal anything. I kind of wanted to, that priest in the doorway was an asshole to me and Celi. And then he turned right around and welcomed the shit out of a Lightforged draenei. Asshole. I didn't choose this.
Anyway, Marbelma asked if anyone wanted to get drinks and I was on board. Like I said up top. She brought me to this tavern in the smokiest district ever. Dwarven, I think. Makes sense, cause she said it had the best drinks by a long shot. Honestly, it was pretty damn good. I don't think it beats some of the cocktails I've had but dwarven mead? Definitely a plus to living here now.
So we talked a bit. Her parents were killed by a troll. I'll have to avoid mentioning trolls. She wanted to know if I knew them, but without a name or anything there's not much for me to go on. Let's be honest, the only trolls I've worked with closely were in the Northseas and then the Bloodsails. Pirates. They weren't bad. One of them gave me the wildest drug I've ever tried. I wish I could find what that mushroom was. It was great. Anyway, so we chatted. It was nice. I think we're friends? Sort of? Maybe?
She went off to an inn room and I went to collect Talon. She'd already eaten five mice. I don't know where she finds them. She wasn't happy to be ordered to fly off. She forgave me when I bought her a raw steak once we landed.
So now I'm back up in Aerie Peak. And here's my current problem: the beds aren't private. It's a wide open room of bunk beds. It was alright to crash in the first few nights because I was so tired of sleeping in a planter that anything's an improvement. But, like, this is permanent. Maybe. I mean it's long term at least. I can't do long term openness. What if it wears off in the middle of the night because I forgot a dose or I under measured something? That's not a scenario I want to face. I try and sleep absolutely head to toe under the blankets but what if I toss around in the night and they come off? I mean it should last 24 hours on the nose but what if a freak accident happens and it doesn't? I can't do that. These people seem nice enough but I just can't. I can't.
So I think what I'm going to do is grab these blankets and pillows and move them. The mattress would be too obvious but these linens can be missed. I've staked out a closet that I haven't seen anyone enter since I got here. There's some solid beams in there that I can nail and tie off a sheet to for a hammock and use the rest as blankets. It'll be private. I can change without fear. I mean, if someone walks in that'll be...awkward...but I bet I can make a lock on the inside. That'll be easy. Or just wedge the door shut. It opens inward, thank goodness. Otherwise it's "haha hello, I'm just a guy sleeping in the closet. Don't mind the tentacle. *wink*" you know? That's not weird at all. Not even a bit.
Oh, last thing of note? There's a big draenei guy in the guild. I mean, strapping. Paladin of course. But, man. Those muscles. Orcs were bad enough. Draenei are just. They're large. They're very large. Love it. Will I ever talk to him? No. Nope. That would be bad. Probably. At least he's not Lightforged, you know? That would be worse.
I'm going to go get my hammock set up. Maybe snag a few more blankets if I can figure out where they're stored at. And nails. I need nails for a hammock. I hope this works.
So today I made some friends, which was nice. One of them was that draenei. I mean there were two draenei. Izarre and Zerov. But I'm talking about Zerov here. So avoiding didn't happen cause he showed up while I was drinking. And then many of them showed up. It was nice, though.
Izarre calls my void hair "love-squiggles" and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I don't want love squiggles. I don't even want void hair. Zerov doesn't have tentacles. I'd happily trade, although he is a paladin. He probably wouldn't want void ones.
"Hey, man, do you want my tentacles?" That's just bad. That's so bad. Why did I write that. I can't erase pen. Writing was a mistake. I'm drunker than I thought.
So, you know, we talked a bit. He's nice. He's really nice. That's also bad. He winked at me. That's worse. Is it too late to fake my own death and rejoin the Horde? Hah, no I'm kidding. It's too late. I may have made, you know, comments. I'd only had a few drinks, thank goodness. I need to watch that. I can't go around making people uncomfortable. I mean, he winked. That's not uncomfortable.
I'm thinking too much about this. I'm never going to fall asleep. Why am I like this.
What if he was just winking to be nice? I bet he was just winking to be nice. That's it. Yes. Just nice winking because he's a nice person. A friendly wink. Friend winking. That's a thing, right? No it's not. Maybe it's a draenei thing? Should I hope it's a draenei thing?
I'm bad at all of this.
Hey on the plus, my hammock is great. I even managed to snag a little latch lock for the door inside. It's so cozy in here. No one's come by, although I get nervous whenever I hear feet. It's not a lot, this is a pretty out of the way spot. Everything in here is super dusty. I think there's some old uniforms on the lower shelves but there's not much in here. That's good. No one will need in here in a hurry.
Time to try and pass out now. Plus my candle's getting low and I can't afford another one right now. How often do we get paid here? I should ask that. Oh well. I'll find out.
So I found Zerov drinking and we chatted some more. His father is an eredar, who killed some Servitor already and now another's missing from that mission last night. Lammy. The one who gave the tour. She's so nice. Holy shit, though. I really feel for him. That sounds very rough. It was bad enough to see my dad as a ghoul. I can't imagine him choosing to be evil. That must hurt. No wonder he was drinking.
I hope we all cheered him up. It was just me at first but then Harthur Ironbeak (dwarf guy) showed up. He was alright. I feel like relating to dwarves is weird. I never really hung out with any during the Wars. All my stuff kept me in Quel'Thalas. I knew humans. Quite a few humans. And then later, dead humans. But no dwarves, those were all south of me. They're decent. They have great booze (besides Truck? Truk? Whatever) so that's some huge bonus points for them.
Speaking of booze, I'm loving the stuff Zerov sent me. This wine from Bradensbrook is tasty. I didn't know Gilneans had such good brewing. Maybe that's all they did, cooped up behind that wall. Whatever. It's good. I like it. I'm moving on to the Dalaran wine next, I've always loved that stuff. Got a big taste for it when I was living in the Hall. That twenty four hour tavern there. Good stuff.
And then my pal Celi showed up! It's crazy but I feel so much safer when there's more of us around? Safety in numbers, I guess. It's easier to have each other's backs.
But anyway. So. He flirted. There's no way around that. There was flirting, said by him. He flirted. One hundred percent. He implied I was fawned over! That's a flirt! HELP. AAAH.
I MAY have told him I'd show him how to properly use a hammock which sounds like THE WORST INNUENDO but it's not. It's not. Just a literal hammock. My hammock. That made it weird again. Fuck.
MOVING ON FROM THAT. He also offered to hang with us ren'dorei if we ever have to go to big cities as kind of protection from assholes. You can fucking bet I'm going to take him up on that. Hell yeah. Now I just need an excuse. I'll have to think of one. A good reason. I'm not going to waste his time, you know? That'd be rude. I don't want to be rude.
Oh, APPARENTLY my direct commander is terrifying. I heard it from multiple people. Harthur said she's a sweetheart but the look Zerov gave him tells me that was maybe a joke? Apparently she likes her cats and kids. Is that it? That can't be it. Marbelma said she's scary, too. And apparently she just walked off a broken leg? Who does that? And is that mechanized gnome actually a robot? I thought I heard someone say it. DO GNOMES MAKE ICY DEATH ROBOTS? What the fuck. So long as it doesn't blow up, it's fine. I'm fine with that. That's a little weird, but it's okay. Goblins have lumber shredders that they use for fucking everything so a death robot is fine. Death powered robot. I saw that anti-magic shield. Only Death Knights can do that. I would know. Hah. Did a Death Knight build it? I should ask. I think her name is "Seda?"
I'll have to ask around. Someone'll know. Would it be rude to ask a robot how it got built? I'm thinking yes.
So I thought Tally (the one who interviewed me with the kaldorei) was cool but Zerov said that ALL GNOMES are terrifying. Does she get scary later? Maybe she gets scary in a fight. And the Scout Commander is a gnome, too. Why. Why did I join this group. There are so many gnomes here. And they're all terrifying, apparently? Why this. I'm already afraid of short people thanks to goblins. I mean, I'm not. Short people are fine. Short people with machinery is a warning sign. Gnomes like machinery. There's a DEATH ROBOT HERE, obviously they like it.
New plan: be very very nice to the gnomes, don't mention liking goblin drinks, avoid touching any of their machines. Maybe find out what some of them like and bring gifts? Sucking up always works. I'm very good at it.
OH! AND! Speaking of gnomes. Writing of gnomes? Haha. Anyway, so apparently Zerov has been taught to sneak by the Scout Commander. That's adorable. He said he even has little shoes for his hooves! That's literally precious. I'm slain. My ghost is writing this right now. He said he could show me sometime. I'm so into this concept. A sneaky draenei. I didn't think those existed. They were always the big things on the battlefield. The metaphorical battlefield. I've been to zero of them. I heard about them, though! The paladins were something to watch out for, especially when there was a big Forsaken showing.
Alright, I nearly fell asleep writing. I'm gonna get more sideways now.
I need to avoid this dwarf. So he sings, right? Started playing this song in Dwarvish, which was cool. That's fine. But then he started it in Common also aaaand it was a love song. I kinda wanted to die. That was too much. SO uncomfortable. I didn't want to say anything cause everyone else seemed to enjoy it. Plus I'm the new one here, I can't just say something. So! Avoiding him. He comes in? I go out.
Like, for fuck's sake, I think Zerov's cute but I'm not swooning every time he walks in the damn door. Are all dwarves this tasteless? I hope not. I mean, I've only met two, that's a small sample size.
So that was bad and sucked. Earlier was fine, though. I somewhat taught Zerov proper hammocking. I mean, he got in it fine. He kinda fell entirely on his face getting out. That was pretty hilarious. I've done that a lot. He also asked if I wanted to go shopping, which I do, but then Tally arrived with her giant robot so I couldn't answer. I'm gonna, I don't know, send a note? That works.
Speaking of robots. I'm like ninety percent sure that the death robot is either Tally's or the Commander's. I'm going with Tally's cause her robot tonight was even bigger than that one, so if she can make a giant one, she can make a smaller gnome one. It's fascinating, the level of robot technology they have. And she said it won't even blow up! Incredible.
I found the alchemy lab here and it's far better than what I've been working with. I'm never going to keep my ingredients in here cause, like, what if someone else uses them? I'd be fucked. But all the tools and burners and stuff are freely available, thank goodness. I didn't get to leave with much. That's been a major stress. But it's now off my back, so yay for that. Almost done making another thirty vials, which took a big chunk of my pay for that Cathedral mission. A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, though, right? Hah.
Man, I can't stop thinking about that damn dwarf. Who does that? Who goes like "Hey, I know what I'll do. I'm going to sing a song about falling in love to these guys who've loosely flirted but have met each other literally under a week ago. It'll be very comfortable and the implications are absolutely good and correct." I know I'm being snarky but fuck, that was rough. Like he's cute and all but that shit's a long ways off if it comes. He knows maybe one percent surface level shit about me and vice versa, and there's some really important stuff there that'd have to be handled first. And I hope I haven't been giving that false impression to him. I don't think so, though. I think it's just that damn dwarf.
It makes me worried. What if we did date and then amicably split? Would he still be insufferable? Would anyone else? That's a terrible time. Been there, don't want to be there again. I guess it's something to consider.
Gonna go gripe more over some drinks. Potions are done.
Gnomes are bizarre and I'm never going to question anything they do.
I was right, though! Seda is a robot. Zerov says she's very lifelike. That's pretty impressive.
SPEAKING OF, this man. This. Man. He's got to stop being cute at some point. It needs to happen. It hasn't yet and he's absolutely flirting. One hundred percent flirting. I'm very much looking forward to Saturday. I hope this goes well. I mean it's not like it's an official date but it could be an unofficial one and I have to bring my A game if it goes that way. Semi related, but he challenged me to properly pickpocket him and oh he has no idea what I have in store. No idea. It's a terrible idea but I'm absolutely sure it'll work. I think that'll also be Saturday. We both shouldn't be sober for that. It'll be good, though. I hope. If it works. I mean, hell, even if it doesn't it shouldn't be terrible. (Hopefully.) (I'm second guessing myself now, shit shit.)
There was a unit meeting today. Man, I am writing this completely out of order. Oh well, too late now. So, unit meeting. It involved a lot of standing in a line and hearing things. I got promoted! I have a tabard! It matches none of my armor and I'm sad. On the plus, red and gold. *Sin'dorei joke here.* Maybe someday I'll be able to afford better armor and then I'll get something that works with it. At least for unit meetings, you know. Gotta look sharp and make a good impression on people who's impressions of me I'll ruin a few minutes later. I know how it goes.
Someone named "Knutcrank" is going to teach us how to pilot those giant tanks in the tank bay and I'm pretty stoked. I mainly want to know what kind of person has that last name. Sounds either Gnomish or Dwarvish. It's very good. I also want to finally see the insides of those things. I'd heard stories about them, mainly about running away from them very fast. I bet they're neat. I hope I don't accidentally shoot something important. I would. I would do that.
The apparently giant human man who's missing is still missing and we're going to go look for stuff in Icecrown. I am not looking forward to that. Icecrown is very cold. I don't have my winter armor anymore. I'm going to layer every shirt I own underneath what I've got and hope for the best. Maybe I can huddle under someone's cloak on the way.
Oh, another thing. Zerov brought up a brilliant idea: I should take the mattress off my assigned bunk. That'd solve my hammock issue. It's not really an issue but I'd love to sleep on a real bed at some point. Hell, even a mattress on the floor works. It'd be easier to get in and out of while absolutely trashed, too. Less falling risk. Better suited to lazing around, too. I think if I take out the bottom row of shelves, I'll be able to slide right in there. Most of the floor will be mattress, though, but eh who cares. It's not like I do much on the floor besides stand. Change clothes. Stand more. He also said I could probably ask the Wildhammers if I could just officially use this closet. I'm debating it. We'll see. I hate asking for favors but I'm living under a risk of being booted out right now. That's a slight stress. I could just find another closet, though. But what if I run out of closets?
I'm overthinking this. I'm just gonna chill and then ask if I have to. That'll be fine. I won't get exiled from Aerie Peak for sleeping in a closet. If I get exiled, it'll probably be for something a lot worse. Comforting thought.
It's kinda nice being here, though. Like these people are all weirdos from what I can tell but they're decently nice weirdos. No one's spat on me! That's a plus. No one's asked excessively about Snuggler yet! Oh, I forgot to write that last time. I named the tentacle Snuggler because I do the opposite with it. I ignore it and shun it, as it should be shunned and ignored. I hate it so much. It's in here, wiggling by the door. It never stops wiggling. Sometimes I'll throw a blanket over it but that usually makes it look worse. Like a lot worse. I've yet to find something that permanently removes it but I'm going to find it. I'm going to. Someday.
Oh! I met Jo and the Commander's daughter. One of them. The draenei, Nia. She's adorable. Draenei kids (oho) usually are. She's studying to be a mage, I think? Her mage hand beats mine any day. I guess that's what they should look like. Mine'll never be that big, it's just this dinky little tiny hand. Oh well. It works for pickpocketing and annoying people, I'll take it.
This stew is knocking me out. Or maybe the booze. I mixed moonglow with some straight vodka and it's getting to me. In a good way, but it's getting. Gonna lay down before I fall asleep mid word.
It's been a few days. Just a few of those days. So, okay, silithid? Terrifying. Horrible. Bad. Giant gross lady silithid? Even worse. I almost gagged seeing that thing in the Steam Pools. It was just nasty. Absolutely disgusting. I am so glad I can shoot things at a distance and I really feel for Teenan and Zerov getting up close to it. That was horrible. It's dead, though. It's super dead. That's good.
I made a new friend! Her name is Ashriel and she's another ren'dorei. I mean we met at the meeting but we were wall friends tonight at the mission in Icecrown. She's neat. Extremely good at mind control which is a little freaky but when it gets two Scarlets dead before any of us can even touch them, that's a plus in my book. It was pretty brutal. One just started going nuts and cleaving into the other, took one down before it got dead. Impressive as hell.
Anyway so we got to talk to this nutso Scarlet dude after the guys guarding him just straight up deserted after Zerov told them to, which is fair. I'd leave, too, if the place I was holed up in smelled that bad. Still, not the biggest fan of letting Scarlets just walk, you know? They're crazies. Maybe some aren't but man, I've seen some nut cases in Tirisfal. Maybe I'm biased. I'm biased.
So we got some crazed ravings out of the dude before he immolated himself to death. Hardcore, I'll give him that. We're thinking the large human man is in Gilneas. I've never actually been there before. Reynold was from there but never talked about it much. It figures. Assholes built a wall and left him to die of plague outside, I'd shun them, too. Dicks. Anyway, it'll be kinda neat to see it finally. I bet it's glum. Former war zones are always glum. I hear it rains there a lot, too, so I'll have to bring an umbrella. Maybe a raincoat.
Also, Icecrown? Fucking freezing. The gun dude, Bran, he gave me and Ashriel some heater packets, thank fuck, or I'd have gotten frostbite out there or something. Not that it'd be easy to tell, I'm purple already. Hah. Funny joke. I miss being a nice peach instead of this blue/purple bullshit.
So it's been a busy few days, really. It's nice getting more settled in, though. I wrestled the mattress in and got it to fit, got a Do Not Enter sign on the door on Ashriel and Zerov's suggestions. Got an outfit picked for Saturday. I'm nervous. I'm actually nervous. I think I'm more nervous about my plan for Zerov's coin purse than anything else, maybe. Maybe. We'll see. Being drunk will help with that. I'm always smoother drunk than sober.
If this goes anywhere, though, I'm going to have to tell him shit. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. We'll burn that bridge when we get there, I guess, worst case scenario. Ugh.
Time to crash, though, or I'm gonna overthink until sunrise.
I DID IT I GOT THE COIN PURSE IT WAS SO GOOD I'M THE BEST AT THIS SHIT
I'M SO FUCKD UP RIGHT NOW I'M GO________________________________________________
<The scribbled line trails off the page.>
<The remainder is written normally.>
A pain potion and this hangover's still fucking going strong. I'm going to die here in this closet of head exploding. This candle's the dimmest I can get it and my eyes are dying and on fire. This is shit.
So, right off the bat, I'm going to murder my drunk self. What the fuck was I thinking. So APPARENTLY I told Zerov to drop by my room at about five in the morning. You know, when the potion wears off every day if I'm not up earlier to chug it. I let him stay. It's not like I could just ask him to leave at that point, it'd be a bit suspicious and kinda rude. He's just as trashed as I am and he's the one who had to walk downstairs in the light.
He took it fine, which was a fucking relief. I about fell the fuck over after, when all that fear just kinda vanished at once. He won't tell anyone. I know he won't. That was terrifying, though. Holy shit. I'm so relieved that's over with.
We'll have to have a chat sometime, when these hangovers are over. Monday. I'm going to be dead all day today.
So, okay, I don't remember a fucking thing from last night. That's not true. I remember some things. It's not much.
The party was fun, from what I remember. I can remember seeing Jo there, then Omen story, and us getting drinks from my stash cause apparently the inns don't have any for some fucking reason. I'd be so pissed if I was a kaldorei and there was no booze. Anyway. Also, I think there was a trivia contest? We just watched? I hope I watched. I don't remember how it went.
Apparently I did the coin purse thing, thanks to my drunken scrawl before I passed out. Thanks, Drunk Rian'vys. That's the one helpful thing you did last night. Asshole. So that means unless I went off the plan, I kissed him, so that's something I'll just have to deal with. If I did, I'm so pissed I can't remember it. One thing I'd be down for remembering and nope, nothing there. Not a thing. No idea how that went. That's not something I really want to ask. "Hey, uh, Zerov, so did we like kiss last night? Maybe? When I pickpocketed you? Did that happen?" Awkward.
Somehow we got back to the Hinterlands because I woke up in my bed wearing my pants, which was a plus. If I woke up naked, that's a bad time. I had pants on. That's good. Dress pants are not comfortable to sleep in, so that's bad, but I had clothing. Very good. I have no idea how we got back or what the fuck we did for the rest of the party, but I guess I'll find that out later.
Hopefully it's nothing completely embarrassing. Unfortunately, I still remember falling off the roof. I don't remember where this bruise on my face is from, though. Maybe I fell again. That'd make sense, I was completely shitfaced. I usually don't get that shitfaced but hey, a party's a party. Gotta get really fucked up, what's the point otherwise. It makes things a fun guessing game the next day. At least I woke up in a place I know and with clothing. I'm not injured. That's a win in my book.
Do still wish I could remember if I kissed him or not. That's a question I'm going to avoid asking. I mean I kissed him on the cheek before he left but that's not a real kiss, right? That's a weeny baby kiss. If I did the coin purse, I don't think I chickened out to just a cheek. All in or nothing, baby. Wink.
My eyes are now completely dead and my head is split open, so I'm gonna blow this fucking candle out and die slightly less in darkness. I'm gonna strangle anyone who breathes loudly at my door until Monday. Uuuughhhh.
He's adorable. It's terrible. He's going to try sneaking up on me as a challenge. I'm pretty confident in my ability to hear hooves, even if they're muffled, but on the other hand, I kinda want whatever evil plan he's got going to work. Maybe I'll just ignore hoof sounds. I'm not sure. We'll see.
Snuggler gave me away cause it was lurking outside, so he found me in the alchemy lab. Not that I'm complaining. That was worded like a complaint. I'm doing the opposite of complaining. It was nice to hang out while my stuff cooled. Apparently some Horde attacked the Academe training thing but I'm just going to pretend I was away from the Hinterlands then and I totally wasn't in the alchemy lab. I absolutely wasn't. No way of getting to them quickly. None at all. I mean I don't like rushing into situations, right? And that would've been rushing in. Plus I don't want to kill Horde. I don't. It feels wrong.
He has a ship! It's been ages since I was sailing. All my pirating time was in Northrend with the Northseas and only like a month with the Bloodsails after the Shattering so I didn't get to experience much smooth, warm water boating. But I think we might be going south sometime for that. It'll be fun. I promised to help him keep his balance and also not fall off the ship. I'm totally going to go swimming. It's been ages. The ocean up here is too damn cold for that. Everywhere here is right now. I'm sure Lordaeron is cold but I think the altitude's higher here. We're pretty mountainous.
He's going to have words with the bitch, too. That's good. I'm still going to avoid her, though. Anyone who tries goading me into doing stupid shit and then later doing stupid shit themselves is an insecure dumbass and I'm not going to associate with them. Like who even does that? Anyway, it's a nice feeling to have someone willing to like stand up for me. Very few people do that. Kevin and Reynold did, obviously, but hardly anyone else since my siblings. I missed it. Feels good.
I'm going to talk to my wall friend about my tentacles soon. Wow that sounds awful. Holy shit. I need to work on that phrasing before I actually have to verbalize it to her. I'm not going to, though, and then I'm going to regret that when the time comes. There's really no good way to talk about them. My big question is about Snuggler and if it's a threat or like a void spy or something. I know jack shit about the void, which is a big regret, so like what if it's an ethereal spying on me? What if it's a void thing spying on me? Did it used to be someone? Holy shit what if it's a void ghost. Are there void ghosts? Holy shit. She seems to know her magic so maybe she'll have answers. Or just like educated guesses. Literally all I did in the rift was move some boxes, I'm the least educated person about this.
I really hope no one in the guild expects me to know void stuff because I don't. I really don't. Literally all I know is that it causes tentacles and turns sin'dorei purple. That's it. That's all I've got. Do I really want to learn a lot more? Nope. The void's scary and I don't like it.
Zerov's such a great guy, though. He listened to my rant about how humans trying to 'retake' Lordaeron is bullshit and didn't even bat an eye. It is, though. I'm sure there's a few living survivors but most Lordaeronians? Still living in Lordaeron. Kevin didn't let the Scarlets and the others bug him but man, Reynold could get heated about that. I think I've inherited it. They're not around to defend themselves, now, so I have to.
Ugh, now I miss them again. It stings. I'm gonna get a drink. That's about all I had to write anyway. Ugh.
Man he's so cute. He's so cute. I'm going to actually die. He's too cute. Okay I should actually write about this shit instead of just gushing. He's so cute though. So, okay, boat trip? Best idea. Holy shit. Greatest day I've had in a while. A long while. It rained probably eighty percent of the time we were on the beach but whatever. It's a jungle. It happens.
BUT, okay, I'm getting flustered just thinking about writing this, what the fuck. So we, you know, kissed. Maybe a lot. (It was a lot.) Like that was some hot shit. Making out on a beach at sunset in the rain? Amazing. I don't know how we're going to top that.
Another thing I don't know how I'm going to top? Okay that sentence sounds like it's going a completely different direction. Anyway. My seamen/Booty Bay joke. Like there's nothing I can ever say that'll beat that. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That was peak humor. It's only downhill from here. It was so terrible. I'm so proud. Man.
Anyway though, holy shit last night was great. Like all we did was make out on a beach and talk about feelings. And sunscreen each other. I'm going to bite the shit out of my lip so that never happens again but man he's good at back rubs. That's my defense.
Speaking of feelings, that was a good talk. We're on the same page. Keeping this private, going super slow, no official relationship or whatever. Just two dudes who think each other's cute. That's good. I'm so not ready for official boyfriend shit. I'm really not. What I am ready for is a hot guy I can get wasted with and kiss. You know. Like you do. Just guys being dudes. Hot dudes. Anyway.
I really do not want this getting out to anyone. For one, I don't know anyone here well enough to want them to know, for two none of these crazy people are subtle AT ALL, for three I do not want any more pressure to define this thing than what that dwarf put out there. And I know it'll happen. If any of them except maybe my wall friend, she seems quiet, found out? There's gonna be the "ooh are you boyfriends? wink wink eyebrow wiggle" bullshit and I hate it. I still have my own shit to work through first.
Like, man, I know Kevin and Reynold would be fine with it. They'd think he's cute, too. It's not the "oh but am I betraying my dead boyfriends by doing this" dumb stuff. It's not. I just can't pin down what it is. Maybe it's like
I don't know.
The pain from their deaths is still this fresh fucking wound and I'm not over it yet, I don't know how to get over it yet, and I don't just want to use Zerov to distract or patch it over because that's not fair to him or me. Wow that all just kinda came out but yeah, that's what it is. That's it. I don't want to just be using him to cover up pain. I don't want to commit to a real deal relationship without being in a place where I can actually give it a fair shot, you know? Man what an adult decision. Good job, me. Like for real, that's a good choice. The thing is, I have no fucking clue how to get to that place so I guess it'll be a work in progress. All of this will be. I'm a hot mess and I'm very aware of it. BUT we're on the same page there. Take it very slow, see where it goes. It's a good plan.
It should be illegal to be that cute, though. Sitting there all muscled and shit. Absolutely terrible. Just the worst. Completely illegal.
<The paper and ink are damp and smudged in places, with dirt smeared in others. All the notes seem to be hastily jotted down.>
Environmental Combat Training Notes
Dun Morogh is too cold and that’s bullshit. It’s all ren’dorei here besides Commander Broom. I like it. It’s good. Wall friend shares my pain in the cold. This scarf is doing nothing. My void hair is cold. I hate that.
Don’t get stranded anywhere cold or mountainous.
Dangers: -Fucking everything. (Cold, no shelter, no food, avalanches and bad footing. Everything.)
Things to eat: -Anything I can get my voidy little hands on, that’s what. Look at base of trees for plants.
Broom says always be aware of surroundings. Also valleys aren’t big, the small ones are called a “saddle” in Common. Maybe named after the mount one? Kinda looks like it. Anyway, makes for good ambush point. Duh. Also good for scouting, moving troops, and that stuff. Honestly just trap them there and freeze them to death, it’s fucking cold. Ash had the best idea, just make them jump off.
Try to be uphill of people, duh. Makes them work harder to hit you. Although if I’m fighting face to face with anyone, shit’s gone really bad and I should run.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST RUN REGARDLESS, Tendalel threw daggers at me. At my feet. But that’s still me. Sure it was for a demonstration but I don’t like that. What if he missed?! I like my feet intact and unstabbed, thanks. He said he doesn’t accidentally murder people but that wouldn’t be murder, it’d just suck.
Watch out for trees in case someone’s spying from them. Pretty obvious but I’m writing it.
My fingers are so cold. Sunset’s pretty, though. “Alpenglow” is what happens then the snow glows in the sunset. It’s a Dwarven-Common mix word, according to Commander Broom.
Again, final note: avoid all mountain missions if possible. I don’t want to get stranded out in the cold with like eighty feet of snow and no food. It’s cold. Terrible.
I'm so fucking scared. Okay, backing up. The Horde marched on Ashenvale and then Darkshore. Why? No clue. Don't really care, it's bad news no matter the reason. Bad news for me, at least. All of us ren'dorei. Like we just started being tolerated, now all these Alliance are gonna turn on us again. We're so new here, we haven't had the chance to prove ourselves or whatever. I'm gonna get kicked out of this fortress for having the wrong shape of ears, I know it.
Okay maybe not, these people seem decent and always have been, but I can't show my face outside of here. I know what's gonna happen. We already got the spitting and the threats and the rudeness once, it's gonna be worse this time. So much worse. They're gonna use us as an easy target to vent their anger out on and I don't want to have to face that. I'm a fucking coward who doesn't want to face anyone's anger, especially someone who blames us for something some random fucking sin'dorei did across the ocean.
I just want to hide in my room and lock the door and maybe peek outside whenever it's all over.
I'm so fucking drunk
If I could stop shaking, that'd be FUCKING great. I hate this
It really can't get much worse from this. Every single thing about this bullshit situation is bad. Everything. I don't wanna look into the faces of an oncoming enemy and recognize someone from a bar or some shit. I'm sure I will. Even if it's just once, I will and I'm going to hate it. I was afraid this was going to happen, sometime. Wanted to stay in denial it was gonna come. Nope. "Fuck you Rian'vys you can't keep nice things."
Did some nasty shit to get a lot of bloodthistle off this guy passing through. Going to get real fucked up if shit gets too bad. It's a bad idea and I don't give a shit.
<The top half of the page is filled with crossed out starts of words and sentences. There's a variety of inks and angles; he's tried to write across quite a stretch of time and has, until now, failed.>
I'm a failure. Why did I cross that out, it's fucking true. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. Failure. Failure. Failure. Maybe if I write it enough times, I'll fucking stop being one. But I won't because I'm a trash coward who doesn't deserve keeping nice things. I'm a walking piece of shit. I take up more space than I earn. I should be sleeping in a gutter somewhere, I don't even deserve this fucking mattress.
I should've done it. I should do it. I was on the verge of heading out when Saheila walked though. She was nice. Too nice, I couldn't. I couldn't just brush her off to leave, so we talked and I cried on her and she said I had value and stuff and that we were friends. She's got a good idea, too. Not just drinking but staying busy. It's a good distraction. I need missions to throw myself into. Still should've done it, though. I could probably get up there even if I'm blacked out. Talon knows the way. For a fake bird, she's smart.
I wonder what will happen to a shadow bird? Would the plague kill her? Would she just stay in her orb forever? Although I bet the orb would crack. Although maybe not if it's at a low enough altitude. It's not like she's really alive, though. Don't have to worry about owing her sticking around because she's not a real bird.
It's Zerov and Saheila. Fucking dammit.
I wonder if I could even see the headstones from the air under all that plague. I haven't tried flying over. Don't want to unless I'm really gonna do it. Can't just be a fucking coward and cop out, right? Just gotta fly up there and do it, or don't. Thinking about it kinda calms me down, though. It's a shit thing to focus on but I'll take it. I don't even know how many times in the past week I've thought my way through. A final, quiet flight north. Maybe visiting a few spots in Tirisfal, although the house outside Brill's gotta be gone now. I heard they just steamrolled south from the beach. But maybe I could visit it. Leave three flowers, for each of us. Then stay high over the Undercity until I'm over their trees and then either fly low and land or just dismiss Talon at a thousand feet. Depends on how painful I deser
Would the void gods or whatever claim my soul? Where do Forsaken souls go? I don't know if we'd end up in the same place. Is it all the Shadowlands? If I could see them again, it'd be double worth it. And then whatever the fuck happens to my body happens to it but I'll be dead so who cares? Not fucking me.
I should put a will in the stack, not that I really have anything. Donate my alcohol to the guild or whatever. There's no next of kin. Just me. My own worthless ass self.
I can't fucking believe I lost their graves. It feels like they died all over again. I had something left of them that I could visit, even if I had to fake being a sin'dorei now, but I could visit them. I could tell them what's up. But fuck you, Rian'vys, you don't get to keep anything you treasure because here's some fucking plague and a war fought over their resting place. They've died twice to the Alliance. The marsh, now their graves. That's fucking sickening. There's nothing I can do and if I mention that, I'm the fucking traitor, so fuck me. Why am I mad, though, they couldn't have known. It's my fucking fault. If I'd volunteered to go with the other ren'dorei and Alleria, I could've maybe had time. Or just seen them one last time. But I didn't go because I'm a coward and a waste of fucking space.
I hate this. I'm in so much fucking pain, I keep hoping I'll just choke on my puke in my sleep or some shit. I keep rolling over. I've cleared out half of my cabinet this week and I don't want to keep buying more booze because someone's going to notice. I gotta slow it a bit but it hurts so fucking much. Everything hurts. Feels like I'm being torn into. Just like it did when they died.
I wish I could fall asleep and just not wake up for a long time.
Haven't written in a while. Felt okay for a while. Then it was the anniversary of Tirisfal and I felt bad and now I feel worse. She's right. That fucking dwarf. She knows I'm a piece of shit coward and no one corrected her on it. They all know. They know I'm worthless. I could see it. No one said a thing to her. No one defended me. It hurt more than I
I haven't done anything. I've never done anything to be worthwhile to these people. I just show up, shoot sometimes, and go home. They don't care about that. They shouldn't care about that. They all do so much more. I deserved it. I deserve it. Every fucking thing I have ever tried my hand at, I ruin because I can't stop feeling scared and exposed and I keep being a failure. Every single thing. I shouldn't even be here wasting space on their missions but I keep fucking going because
I don't know why. It's nice getting out, seeing places. Some of the people are cool. I usually like it. It's usually fine.
Maybe not, though. Maybe they're all secretly sick of me. I would be secretly sick of me. I'm me and I'm sick of me. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
I don't even want to go back to the keep right now. I'm going to find the least crowded bar in Boralus and drink until I stop feeling so fucking terrible.
Okay it's been a few days. So Jo started asking questions which was bad, and she thought the dwarf and I were having a spat, which we're not. I hope I convinced her we're not. I barely know the girl. We came to the conclusion that she's just a bitch punching down because she can. Cause they promoted her. Honestly if they knew this was going to happen, why would they promote her is my question but I'm not about to stick my neck out and ask it. This was already too much attention. Yikes.
Anyway. So Jo said a vague statement about dealing with her or something, because if they come down hard and fast [hehe] on Snowshoe, she usually learns. You know, eventually. But like, how long is eventually? I asked that. Fuck knows why, I guess I was feeling bold or something. But Jo said her officer people would handle it. I hope they do but I'm not holding my breath.
Apparently Jo likes me or something as a member. Who knows how I managed to trick her into thinking I'm stuff like "good" and "competent" and "know what I'm doing" because from what I've seen of her, she could probably do most of this herself anyway, but. I can maybe keep the game up. She's a lot less scary than some of the other officers. Do they promote people based on intimidation ability? Because shit, man.
But, anyway, I slipped out before the feast party thing. Headed back to Boralus, cause I never run into people I know there and that's really useful when bar hopping. This local guy, though, I think recognized me as a regular cause he was watching me for a bit before he came over. With free drinks, so hey. He works at the Octopus, so my first thought was that I should start avoiding the Octopus if I didn't want to talk to anyone. But it turns out he's pretty cool. Huge, huge guy. I think his arms are bigger than my thighs. That's hot.
Stay on topic. Anyway. We talked for like, it must've been four hours cause I'm pretty sure they closed the bar around us but weren't kicking us out cause he works there. I was pretty smashed by that point cause it was probably four in the morning, though, so maybe it was just dark out and I'm confused. But. I'm sure I looked like a hot mess, cause I'd been going for a while at that point, but I held it together enough to make some kind of impression cause he said I should come by again soon when he's working. Is that a pre-date date? I mean he didn't say he likes guys but he's also wearing a harness with no shirt and a skirt, so I mean, come on. He's a huge fucking guy, like a big muscles fat guy, and can I just say. It's a good look. It's a good look.
ANYWAY. Going to head back later this week. Portaling while drunk always fucks me up, cause I was up puking in the bathroom at the keep for like, two hours. Ugh. Mages need to get on that. Hellevators never cause those problems, although they cause other problems like "brief jaunts through a demonic hellscape" and "freaking out the local peasants" so I guess that's why no one uses them. Maybe gnomes have something better. I'd trust them over whatever goblins have to pop them around the planets. I'm getting off topic again. Going back later this week. He works weekends and every other weekday, cause he has whatever "druid business" is, too. I think they're all trained in being vague, because tauren and kal'dorei in particular say the same damn thing. I'm also going to avoid Snowshoe and Jo for a while because I don't want Showshoe to corner me for getting her in trouble with the officers and I also don't want more questions from Jo. She's cool, but she's also married to my direct boss and that's a frightening thought.
Oh my potions should be done boiling so I'll stop there before I keep rambling.
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