((...technically this would be suicide tw??? Self harm tw???))

She checked movement first, watching as M, as she, moved not as a mirror but as a perfect Other in absolute synchronicity. Speech came next, but the results she had already expected. They both had. Arms were lowered, guns retracted.

There was no need for violence.

Not yet.

M, this M, stepped towards the lake, unsurprised to see herself at her side. Ripples lapped against the shore, blown by a stagnant wind. Both of their gazes lowered to the ground, where, years ago...

Identical head shakes. Dull snorts to find them mirrored.

“It won't let us both out.”

The other one spoke first, breaking the long silence. She'd heard her own voice before, in the Tower, and like then it was both alien and uncomfortably familiar at once. She decided she hated it.

“Fighting for a victor-” M, this M, began.

“-would be useless. I know,” the Other finished. “We'd both lose, barring-”

“-suit malfunction or natural error.” M wanted to have the last word. “It's unfortunate. We could do much with two. Ears and eyes anywhere.”

The silence they drifted into was natural. M knew what she was thinking. The Other would not be far behind. Or, perhaps, was already ahead with the way she shifted in place, tracing the edge of her finger's plating with her thumb.

“...I know.”

Both at once. Self-conscious half laugh afterwards, trying to shake off the nerves. Rivet guns rotated in sync and helmets were set on the ground, on the dryer part of the pond shore.

“Test for a misfire on the ground,” this M said, aiming low.

Two rivets impacted the soft dirt, sending up a splattering of mud.

“No error,” the Other said, quiet. “I wish-.”

“I know.”

It was only delaying the inevitable, now, and neither wished to. Machinery locked into place and each stared at the other's battered, scarred face. One blink, two, and they nodded.

M fired at her own head, two feet away.

Only one was allowed to leave.

There was no other way.

Neither could.

Date: 20 December

Time: 1908

Location: Uncertain precisely, Suramar

Status: Debatable

I am

how to phrase.

Troubled?

I am experiencing complications to stability and ability to maintain myself without undue paranoia and over-analysis. I believe I am 'well' enough to return to Aerie Peak, however, but for record's sake I will be noting what has occurred.

For my own safety, as well as the general populous's, I bought a gryphon to the closest on-land location, which was Meredil. I removed myself from its vicinity, although I am certain I can find my way back. I simply do not have a name for this place. There are elf ruins and trees. But, to the issues at hand:

To be brief, I am uncertain if I am myself. My suspicion had been correct, but I misjudged the abilities of the skin thieves. Thief, singular, perhaps. I, at least, viewed memories of myself, for the most part, with a glimpse of one place I have never been – Hearthglen.

I was taken from Dalaran by 'Emma' I believe, or I am 'Emma' and I took M. I have no means of knowing. If I am not the real M, will she arrive someday to take her place? These are things I have been considering since the event. These are things I continue to have no answers for.

At present, my best way forward as I have judged is to return to the keep, apologize to Jo for the delay, and to not explain anything that has occurred barring 'Northwind incident.' If I am unreal, I will discover it at some point, either via newly missing memories or by the real M returning. I will act as if nothing has occurred because there is a 50/50 chance that nothing has changed. I may be M. I may also not be.

Regardless, I am M for the time being. I do wish to remain M. I find it preferable to ceasing to exist.

Another point of consideration: If I am the 50% chance of being the real M, if a double appears, it is most definitely a skin thief and must be eliminated. Therefore, would my best course of action to be eliminate all duplicates? Regardless of their 'reality' or not? Would there be any means of proving I am the real M?

It is more complex than I would prefer.

Would the Lightbound Blade be able to tell? Will I ever revisit Northwind?

Nothing has occurred yet, but there tends to be a several day wait between visits of late. I find this positive, but it implies more may be coming. I have not destroyed the skin theives, as the tower appears to desire. Unless I am a skin thief. In which case I require destruction instead.

That is somewhat unpleasant to consider. Moving on.

I will be returning tomorrow, I believe, so I may have time to draw final conclusions on the event. At present, I am leaning towards the path that involves violent destruction of any future doubles and pretending that nothing overly averse from the norm has occurred.

I could claim I required time away due to the reappearance of Sky after I, and everyone else, considered her definitely deceased for four months. Four months tomorrow, in fact.

Despite the current issues, I remain highly pleased that she is no longer deceased and that she is returned to us mostly intact. Her presence was highly missed by many.

Perhaps I should inform someone of what occurred, but I do not wish to overly alarm anyone or bring suspicion on myself. If I am not M, I am at least bearing most, if not all, of her memories and are able to behave how I believe she does. I must continue this, regardless of if I am her or not.

This is unpleasant. I would have preferred this to never have occurred.

I will be visiting the Beacon briefly tomorrow, I believe, then returning home for furlough.

I must continue to be efficient and not suspicious.

That is all, for now.

Date: 04 January

Time: 0035

Location: My office

Status: Fully functional

I briefly returned to Camp Sin'dorei several hours ago. Verehn has made expansions to it during my absence, including a cooking pit of some sort. This implies he, and others, are also here for the long term.

For being an elf, he is not unpleasant. Elfy but not in entirely the worst of ways. Far superior to many of the other day elves in this not-a-cult. Will work with him further if this task allows. Will mention this to Seda and Z.

Met someone of concerning interest, also. 'Met' is incorrect, we had interacted previously in this. 'Realized association' is closer. Her name, as she gives it now, is Casyril Rommel. Inquisitor. Priestess. We have a worse aquaintance, though. She was of the Hammer. I recognized her voice, but remained in denial of the reasons. I know now.

She is also fluent in shath'yar.

Relatedly, I am still capable of speaking in it, although like any sort of verbalizing it is difficult at best. More fluid than Common, likely due to the language itself.

I have not willingly spoken t

I doubt she will 'out' my former associations, given that she would also be revealing her own past, and therefore, for now, she is of slightly less threat. Slightly.

I should inform Jo, regardless.

I am uncertain how to regard the base interest in the entities, as Verehn mentioned. The Stupids, as we have begun to call them, are

They are unfortunate. This is all unfortunate. The sooner it ends, the better.

The second task is beginning soon. We will learn more soon.

Until then, I will observe and monitor the Stupids threat.

On an unrelated note, Gun Turtle has taken to following me in sentry mode. I have modified its alert tones to only be played over our single channel COMM, so that it no longer is audible externally unless the orders are changed. It is aesthetically pleasing, also, and I find its companionship pleasant.

Barring more firing, Uther appears to have befriended it again, which is best considering it is a new household robot.

I am favorably anticipating using it in a combat engagement. Relatedly, I need to speak with Megavox on shell variants, because she has something similar.

For now, though, that is all.

It was, perhaps, an odd thing to do; burning a formerly dead friend's belongings, or at least some of them, wasn't something M did regularly, at least. In truth, she attempted to avoid fire in any form, but to someone she had Promised to, there was little she wouldn't do. The fire was high in the mountains above Aerie Peak, on an outcropping of rock that bore the brunt of frigid gusts of wind. It was, admittedly, a very hard place to keep a fire going, but the scrap metal wall M built around her campfire prevented it from being blown out entirely.

The notes were first, fed into the wildly dancing flames one by one. She felt no curiosity on their contents, nor did she feel it was her place to read them at all. Any that drifted towards the edge of the heat were nudged back in with the tip of her dagger until all that was left was ash.

Leather was harder to burn. Sky's belt was dropped in on more ceremony than a genuine belief that it would turn to ash as well. M was told to burn what was left, and burn she would, to whatever extent she could. It was left in the fire, to sit among the burning logs and charcoal until a bird or a passing hiker moved it.

The tabard was the hardest. Metal fingers traced along the hem, along the embroidered lion in the center, along the stains still left from weeks of battle in the Wetlands. She recalled staring at it for hours as it sat, neatly folded, in its drawer after they had returned to the keep and after her return from the Isles after that. It had been a link to remember Sky by, a memorial of a sort even though it was kept generally locked away. To destroy it...

Under her helmet, M's brows furrowed. She had been asked to, by Sky, and she no longer needed a memorial to someone who still lived. The letters carved into her skin were enough, should she require a reminder of what was almost lost. With the slightest trace of hesitation, M extended the tabard over the flames until it caught alight. It smoked and spluttered in the wind, but M continued to hold it and watch as the red and gold charred and burned until there was too little for her to hold onto. The last few inches of cloth burned where it fell in the flames.

Ash was left to be blown free by the wind and a thoughtful M returned down the path to the keep, carrying the metal wall under an arm.

It was done.

Date: 07 January

Time: 0850

Location: My office, Aerie Peak

Status: Fully functional.

The Cult is in its argument stage. This comes once there is enough time and division of rank and role to question and doubt. I anticipated this, and the timing is better than I have seen it in other areas.

I was near to departure last evening, but decided to enter with Z. I am finding it positive that I did. I have made up my mind on this, now. My way forward, for now at least, remains clear. To proceed, I will need to locate Celestine and communicate with her. Unfortunately, I doubt we will be able to enter the 'kingdom,' so therefore I will be resigned to write. Unfortunate.

Uncertain if I will inform any of the others. Perhaps. Z I might. Verehn. The rest, unsure.

Casyril and myself's communication in our shared language drew the attention of Ciaran most sharply. She appeared to either recognize or understand it. I am uncertain what that means but might approach her to investigate.

Verehn speaks Nerubian, although I do not know it beyond recognizing its sounds. I am uncertain what that means, either. Most do not obtain fluency in a language like that for 'good' reasons. I may ask. Uncertain if he would answer truthfully.

To be frank, uncertain if anyone here gives truthful answers in full. I cannot wholly say that of myself. The truth is not always something to be freely shared.

I do share open facts about the Game, at least, which cannot be said for everyone.

For now.

If I am successful in what I wish to attempt

We will see.

My plan is to depart early for Camp Sin'dorei and wait in case Winters arrives. Perhaps investigate Ciaran in the meantime. I am fairly sure I know of her. Her name is overly familiar, which generally bodes ill for these kinds of things.

For now, that is all.

Date: 07 January

Time: 1820

Location: My office, Aerie Peak

Status: Fully functional. Thinking.

It is done. We have knelt and pledged fealty after giving our reasons. He said we would be in touch soon, but that is all. Less dramatic than anticipated, but as easy and unnoticeable as I had hoped. I was given a few looks on my arrival back to the camp, which is understandable after such a long absence in the woods with no given reasons for it.

No questions. Yet.

To both of us, he warned that we would be pitting ourselves against the majority with our choice. I had long before taken this into account. With the group divided, it was the proper time for realignment. Less questioning on the outset, although it may come later.

I am certain most will find this choice suspect, and myself suspect in turn. I do not care. This is the best means to an end that I can see as of yet. I do not have enough information to give a full judgment call on whether this choice was 'wrong,' but I do not believe it is.

I find it of interest to see what our roles will be. This will likely come with the being 'in touch.' Presently, I will wait and watch the others. They do not need to know.

For now, I will think on what occurred and return home for the night. I have been away too often, I believe. Unfortunately this does not seem like it will change. Especially now.

That is all.

Date: 11 January

Time: ??

Location: ??

Status: Fully functional

I am in my room in the Court. Uncertain if this place has a solid 'location' in reality. Time operates rather like it did in the Tower. I am uncertain how much time has passed outside. That is a concern but I am not thinking on it yet. I will attempt to avoid thinking on it in the future, also.

I was marked today by the King. It was odd. He bit by neck. I believe it was both amusing for him and a display to the others watching. Either way, it was something that happened. Relatedly, I do not plan on telling Jo that part. I now have a thing on my neck. This is its rough shape:

Relatedly, I will be wearing my scarf mask underneath my helmet along with goggles, now, and never removing it. It would bring too many questions. Also relatedly, I will be avoiding Cere as much as possible. If he learned of this, I would likely die. I do not wish to become more deceased yet.

Verehn has officially sworn to join the King, now, too. We all are able to have rooms within the Court, now. Athen also resides here with the Broken. I have chosen a room far down the hall, at the very end. I do not exactly require one, I do not require sleep or protection from weather, but a relatively safe location apart from the others will likely be of use and Verehn's war tent cannot hold against all forces even though it is well defended.

The King is not unpleasant. We spent quite some time today speaking with him – myself, Z, Verehn, and Athen. He is witty and informative. Harsh if required, but also not overly bitter. So far, this is not bad. I am quite sure in my belief that I have chosen the best course for myself. This is only making that surety stronger.

I do not positively anticipate explaining to Jo that I have gained a cult tattoo, but she has been accepting of this so far at least.

Seda arrived at Camp Sin'dorei. I had not seen her in some time. It was pleasant. I am uncertain where she will go, in terms of sides. I would find it best if she joined us, of course, but I am biased.

For now, that is all, although I anticipate there being a great deal more eventfulness in the next few days. One night of trial remains, and then weapon's training begins. I am somewhat anticipating the latter. The King mentioned that once I learn my weapon, he can allow whatever grants my ability to speak in his kingdom to follow me. I may regain my ability to speak, at least while the Game endures. I find this positive.

For now, however. That is all.

Date: 15 January

Time: 0012

Location: My office

Status: Apparently functional

It has been a trying day. I had only just begun welcoming a few to the party tent when it happened, and the day has only spiraled since. I died then. I felt myself fall apart, I felt the heat and saw the darkness. Fortunately, the few present are accustomed to myself doing strange and unnatural things, and Bromm provided the perfect excuse – oil leak.

He is dull but fortunately that worked in my favor and provided me a distraction to slip underneath the food table. Where I died. And Jo saw it. This is not the first death she has been witness to, of mine that is, so it was handled well as always. It helped that I reappeared within a few minutes.

Seda's automated assistance call was nearly our collective ruin. I will have to inform her that she was doing weapons tests with her suit and to attempt to say this in front of Roiya. She suspects and her mind and observation powers are sharp. I do not wish to be questioned by her and I can only rely on what little trust she has in me to not investigate further. Z would fall apart if Roiya came for him, that is for certain.

This is where the night turned even worse, post-party. The tactical snowball fight was a success, the present exchange was a success. But.

I have all but lost Cere. I am not presently experiencing emotional complications, likely due to his distance and absence. We are not as close as we once were. He is hurt by the fact that no one informed him of Sky's return, but he is acting out due to it. He logically grasps that I promised her I did not, so therefore I would not tell him, but he does not understand it. He refuses to, due to clinging to his anger.

The living are inefficient.

Sky was also emotionally compromised and I attempted to comfort. I also informed her that she could scream at him any time, which I believe she will be taking up. I am hopeful that, at least, will make her feel better. If I am to lose him from the division, and unit, I do not wish to lose her, too. I would miss her presence more. She is my shadow. I have only just regained this.

I would prefer not to lose either, but I am uncertain if I have a choice. Cere is an old friend, we have been through much together, but this may have ended that. But I would not change what I have done. Despite what Sky says, I did fail her. I did not kill her and she suffered for it. Suffered greatly. It is positive to have here here, alive, again, but that is somewhat irrelevant.

She said she should never have asked so much of me, but no one else would have agreed. I carry burdens that no one else would so no one else has to. That is my role. This was not too much.

I would, and have, done far worse.

This is becoming an unnecessary line of thought.

Jo's present is the best. A diagnostic for suit repair. Seda and myself will both make use of this. She is the most thoughtful gift giver and I love her.

Gross.

For now, that is all. I will be departing for Camp Sin'dorei in the morning. I am uncertain what I will find.

*Scrawled in her notebook, on the back of a sheet of replies to non-fingertalk users...*

BAD.

*It's underlined five times.*

*Written in even larger print than the last note...*

VERY

BAD

*It's underlined six times.*

She hated remembering.

Newborns have vulnerable immune systems.

Facts learned from brutal experience drifted to the forefront of her thought.

Distance is required.

Her movement would be seen, but hopefully not remembered. The presence of a child would distract the others, this was a fact she was relying on. Those were questions she did not wish to answer.

If she catches a fever, at least she will have proper medical attention.

Limiting contact was the most efficient method of prevention. As a corpse, she couldn't help but carry disease, and she would go to any lengths to prevent someone else from-

Anything but that. There are ten triangular tiles that make up the border above the counter. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Twelve tiles counted...

The gathering near Anthus and the baby was hard to drown out and M felt it was an inopportune time to exit. Her sounds, their sounds, blended into a haunting cacophony.

If I return in the afternoon tomorrow to obtain the hand schematic, I could begin materials gathering prior to any unit grouping in the afternoon...

It was becoming harder. The inhibitor allowed little room for softening, but even it could only suppress so much, and thoughts were the hardest to avoid. She could see the little white coffin as it drifted towards the lake. She could see tiny fingers go limp in her hand. She could see fur and flesh charred and torn to expose blackened bone.

Stop.

There were words she knew she should say, words that were socially obligatory. Congratulations, for one, and perhaps a passing compliment. Her fingers curled to spell them out onto her palm, but the letters died on her fingertips.

Perhaps silence is better.

The living were busy and distracted and did not need to be reminded of her quiet presence on the far wall. She would let herself be forgotten in their delight at the baby and slip away once it was time.

It will be better this way.

Forgetting was better. M slipped out around the corner, her quiet footsteps leading towards her office. A distraction was required. She needed to forget.

Date: 17 March

Time: 0130

Location: My house, outside

Status: Repaired, injured

We found Izarre. She is not dead yet. Hopefully she will remain alive, although her injuries were severe.

We found the fel reaver from the Thandol Span battle. It found us is more accurate.

Sky appeared unwell, likely for the same reasons. I entered a fully dissociative state which likely prevented any outbursts or flashbacks. Jo talked myself out of it.

Nearly everyone has sustained injuries outside of Zuriah, somehow. I think Jo mentioned setting an interview date for her. She certainly is skilled and Roiya could use more in the Academe.

On the subject of mages, I have begun working on Ilyssae. She has experienced things that I can relate to, and vice versa it seems, which is beneficial for making social relations. It is unlikely she trusts myself but so far she has not outright been suspicious of offering tea. I have been very careful, though. It is not unlike pressing an unknowing target for information; one must proceed as if walking through a minefield or else risk ruining all progress. She is young, though, and needs someone to show understanding and showing better directions.

Skilled children without guidance often self destruct.

For now, that is all.

She knew she shouldn't. Every bit of her mind insisted that she should stop, that she should hurl the thing past the metal edge of her craft and let it plummet the multiple hundreds of feet down to the snowy foothills over which she was hovering. And yet...

And yet...

M's hand slipped beneath her tabard, meeting with the crystal vial she'd hidden there. Slowly, she pulled it out, letting it rest in her palm as she hunched forward to observe intently. It was a small thing, thankfully, or else she'd never have been able to unobtrusively hide it from the others. Still, it was an odd thing; a proper vial should be curved and smooth, but instead this one had extensions of crystal at opposite ends of its mouth, rather like a crossguard. There was a bit of murkiness within the vial itself, but nothing she could put a name to.

It blinked at her and suddenly several things happened at once. M rose in her pilot's seat, rocking the Head until its stabilizing boosters engaged to counter her sudden rush to hurl the thing over the edge. As she gripped the vial, something dark and lethal emerged from its mouth, briefly taking the shape of a blade before slopping back inside of the vial. And then, less then a heartbeat later, the vial was safely stowed inside her tabard and she was staring at an empty hand held over the side of the Head.

Stiffly, she sat back down in her seat. She'd been given a gift for her service. She was not to question that gift. That was all it took. There was no further discomfort, no concern; with resigned acceptance, she took hold of the Head's controls and began a steady flight southeast to the Fjord and its boat to Menethil. It was never the role of a servant to question the master, no matter how unwilling that servant might be.

*Written on a water stained and singed notebook page.* 

Date: 01 April

Location: Vengeance Point

Status: Barely functional, heavy damage sustained 

We have held Vengeance Point against the odds so far. The Legion had been sending felguards and bats to harass ourselves and the Illidari here until today. There was an assault to attempt and overrun us, and it nearly did. We were holding our own until the infernal crashed into our midst, this was when it went poorly. Almost everyone was severely burned including myself. I am uncertain if I can remove the legs of my suit, I may have had my flesh melted into it. I will investigate this at a later date. I do not require suit removal at present.

Tomorrow, myself, Jo, and Sparkles will be investigating whether the Legion is suppressing magic on the Shore and if we can fix this. If we can, this will be positive. If not, we will handle it and be aware. Hopefully we are not more damaged. I can repair myself to an extent, but I cannot do much for burns. Structural damage is more my strong suit for what the goop and glue can repair. 

Jo was badly injured today. I was and am concerned, but at least she is conscious and able to walk at present. Tally has not woken up yet, but she might have taken drugs. I am hopeful all of our injured will make a steady recovery. I doubt we will have long of a reprieve. The Legion never allows long between battles. If we have broken their advance on us briefly, we should use it to our advantage. I will ask the Illidari after the fel elves in the ruins above and around us, I think. They should not be allowed to remain there. 

But that is for another day. For now, that is all.