OOC Chat Standards

I thought about posting this under Guild Discussion, but on second thought I want to put it here, under Policies, so that people interested in SoL can know what I think and choose accordingly.  Because there really is nothing to discuss.  This is me putting on the Guild Leader hat.

First, let me make it clear I'm not aiming this at any one person because every few months I have to have this discussion with someone new, and stuff like this happened before I became guild leader.  Previous guild leaders came down hard on it and I will too.  I hope that by putting this here, up front, we can be proactive and everyone understands what's expected.

Paying taxes is not "like rape."  Getting beaten in pvp is not "like rape."  Classes getting nerfed is not "like rape."  Getting cheated out of something is not "like rape."

Rape is rape.  

It is a crime.  It is literally (and I use that word in the correct sense) classified as torture and a war crime.  It is an abomination.

Think about that--let that sink in--before you say, "It was just a joke."

When, in the course of conversation in person or online chat, you compare a disappointment, a discomfort, an inconvenience, or losing something in a game to rape, you diminish the crime.  You tell every person who has survived sexual violence that what happened to them was no big deal.  And you confirm to actual rapists what they want to believe: that rape is no big deal, that it's normal, natural, something to be expected, something that "everybody does if they can get away with it," nothing more inconvenient than bad weather.  After all, if you can't do anything about the weather, shouldn't you just relax and enjoy it?

When you talk about rape like it's just an inevitable part of a game, you minimize and normalize it.  It becomes something to film and put on Facebook.

Look, I get it.  This is a really common shorthand to express, especially on the internet, that X happened to you and it was unpleasant.  But SoL has different standards.

It is not acceptable in SoL's OOC chat.  And I will go one step further and say it's not acceptable in General, Trade, or other chat as long as you are under our guild tag, because what you say there reflects on us as a group.

If you feel this is an unreasonable burden on your speech, you don't need to apply to SoL.  Or if you are already in SoL, you are free to leave.  But on the whole I would much rather that you take this under consideration and resolve to not be one of those people who, by speech and action, normalizes rape and makes rapists feel better about themselves.  I would much rather you consider that your guildmates--who are here to have fun in a friendly, safe OOC chat environment--include sexual assault survivors, and people who may not have been through it themselves but count survivors among their family and loved ones, and see the damage it does firsthand.

Assholes in Trade or General can be ignored or reported.  SoL members don't have that option with each other.  OOC chat has to be a safe space.  Earlier this year we lost two members overnight--one of them a SoL member since the founding of this guild--over the thoughtless words of a third.  Before you brush that off as "oh what's wrong with them that they don't have a thicker skin," consider perhaps what was wrong with the thoughtlessness of the person who did not consider just how much their words might hurt someone.

This does not mean rape and sexual assault are off limits as a topic, either in OOC chat or in character.  It can be discussed and addressed with the seriousness it deserves.  Many SoL characters have had sexual violence in their backstories--usually as victims, but sometimes even as perpetrators.  It has happened in game as part of a character's story arc--with the full permission and input of the character's player.

That's okay.

What's not okay is (taking an example from last year) the two guys who made child rape jokes in OOC chat and then, when they were called out on it, deflected and tried to brush it off as "just joking" and saying their sense of humor is "edgy" and "dark."  Then they started whining about free speech.

If you feel our OOC chat standards violate your free speech, I point you to this.

tl;dr version:  Joking about rape, or using the word "rape" to describe something that is not actually rape, is jerk behavior.  First rule of SoL is "don't be a jerk."  If you make it a habit you'll be asked to leave and that makes everyone unhappy.  So don't do it.

Just a couple more OOC chat guidelines, folks.  We're just asking that everyone use good judgement.

1) When speaking about other guilds, keep in mind that your guildmates may have friends there, or alts in those guilds themselves.  While it's one thing to say "Yeah, they're not my style," it's another to make fun of or smack talk another guild.  That's unacceptable.  (We're not talking about a situation where a guild engages in something legitimately wrong, like encouraging ERP with underage players or trolling/disrupting RP, but a situation where a guild just has a play style, theme, etc. that you're personally not keen on.)  First offense will get you a reprimand, because we all have momentary lapses in judgement; if you do it again you'll be asked to leave. Before you say something about another guild in OOC chat, just try to think about how you'd feel if you heard someone saying it about your own. 

2) If you have a strongly-held view about some issue, and express it in chat, and someone else replies with an equally heartfelt opposite viewpoint, and the conversation begins to get heated, it's probably best to agree to disagree and move on.  Debate is a fine thing, but if people start getting angry/upset/embarrassed, nothing good can come of it.  I've seen guilds self-destruct overnight because guild chat turned into an unholy mating of Jerry Springer and Politically Incorrect and nobody knew when to stop.  (If the two parties want to continue their debate privately, and can still get along at the end of the day, that's their business.)  

None of the officers want to be chat police.  Please just try to be mindful and respectful of each other!  Generally we are.  In fact that's one thing that continues to impress me about SoL and makes me proud of this guild.