Rugged Book

*The journal is simple in design, leather bound with a strap to tie it shut. The pages are all thin and plain, and everything is written with a charcoal pencil*

I don’t like writing. My hand feels off like its doing something wrong. But I found my old stuff in the keep and my found my journal. Surprised no one threw it out when I was gone. Wouldnt blame them. But since I found it maybe I should write a new one. Maybe itll help me.

Everyones been busy lately with some crystal that was stolen. Dont know much about it except that its dangerous and we have to get it back. And then theres a ogre problem in Arathi were helping with. Some ogre warlock causing trouble for villages and stealing gems. Of  course we have to help stop them. Were going to Arathi again tonight to find the leader and stop him for good.

Heres hoping no one else gets hurt. M is hurt badly from when we fought some naga. I hate seeing her like how she is. Hate lying to her, saying shell be better soon. Hate not being able to do anything to help. But maybe this harness will help a bit. That way she wont be confined trapped in a broken body  stuck in a chair. Maybe Ill make her a gris gris to help her feel better.

Need to go get some more leather soon. This harness is taking more than I planned. Should start hunting further north so the deer arent all killed around here. Will go tonight to get some more.

Leg is smashed. Hurts like fuck. Stupid ogre. Using a bigass club. Stupid me. Gotta move faster. Didn't tell Quin it was still hurting. No sense in showing pain when others are worse off. Might go find some devil's claw and willow bark for the pain. Magic can only do so much. New guy Ren was helpful. Made sure I was okay and made food. Gonna help him tomorrow with signs. Owe him for the help. Hope this suffices. Might carve him something too. Need sleep. Can't sleep. Feel vulnerable. Might hide out in guard shack since its safe. Safer. Will work on Ms harness for a bit, then Masanas buttons. Then Ill sleep.

Fucking leg.

12 June

Been quiet. Nothing happened the past day or so. Leg is still hurting, more itchy than sore. Think thats the bone healing more. Gonna try running tomorrow. Have to be ready for the Vashjr mission.

Got a puppy today. Guy called it a frost puppy, says he got them from Draenor. Its small and fluffy and cute. He was biting his tail when I found the guy near the Shady Lady. Didnt pay much but had to give the guy one of my arrowheads. Now I only have two left. He wanted one of my sharkbone piercings butI actually like them.

DId the promotion thing today. M said I had to kidnap her. Remember when Sky did it, and was scared I would fail. Shes much better than me at sneaking and hiding, never see or hear her. Had to catch M off guard. Felt bad afterwards even though she said I did well. Didnt want to be forceful in case I shifted. But its over.

Gonna go sleep. Pup is falling asleep beside me. Hes so dopey. Will think of a name for him tomorrow.

16 June

Another quiet few days. Training and patrols fill my days. Had underwater training the other day. It was horrible. Made me sort of hate swimming. Nothing can make me hate swimming though. But it smelled like trolls. So much. Almost couldn't contain myself. Water cooled me down and the harpoon shooting occupied my mind. Not going back there though.

Soot is doing well. Named him finally. It matches his coat, and he seems to like it. Well he answers to it most of the time. He likes M thats for sure. Haven't found anything or anyone he doesn't like. I hope that changes.

Furlough is coming up. I dont know what Im going to do. Might just spend it at the Keep, or checking the safehouses. Don't have anyone to spend it with anymore, so no point in going anywhere. Although I am thinking about going to Draenor to collect some venom from the spiders there. Have to talk to Fro. Will do this later.

18 June

*The handwritting is sloppy, moreso than usual*

today was bad. cant stop thinking about it. cages everywhere. death smell. death. pain. it was bad. water was cold and dark hard to breathe. felt scared like i was back there. too many memories.

we found her. couldnt save her. couldnt save any of them. didnt save any of them didnt try could have mercy couldnt live like that

hands still smell like blood. soot wont come near me. he knows. head is fuzzy. alcohol makes it hard to think. cant forget what was down there. never can forget. need more medicine. will go get some during furlough.

everyone is broken. the keep feels dead. commander broke. fro almost broke. jo and m almost broke. eruus is broke. no one is not broken. meeting tomorrow will be hard. might skip it. go hide home.

no. cant do that. everyone needs me. have to be strong. cant show anything. no fear or anger or happiness or despair sadness shame pity courage. they are weakness. they will use them against you. use them to break you and destroy you.

need to clear head. walk should do it. clean myself up. tears and blood dont mix well.

22 June I think

Furlough

I hate it. Too boring. Nothing to do. Don't think I can last to the end. New guy Henry got me helping him though. Trying to get rid of trolls for some Lady person. Gotta go over maps of a forest, make trails for troops and stuff. Might go and explore the woods to make sure the trails are the best they can be.

...trolls. Gods help me.

Went stargazing with Arnaeus in Nagrand. It was nice. He's nice. Smells like a tree, like a mix between maple and birch. Hint of pine. Says he's trying to find a way to clean fel corruption. Gonna be useful if what the commander says is true. I hope and pray to whatever gods or loas or titans are up there that its not true.

Going to go to Pandaria again to pick up some leather. Saw someone in Stormwind with a shield covered in scales, looked like dragon hide but the scales were smaller, about the size of a thumbnail. They said it was Saurok hide, the lizard things in Pandaria. It seems tough, durable. Thinking about making a helm out of it, or armour. Better than my old thrown together set now. Need to look professional for the group.

Just looked at the calendar. Its the 25th. The days feel like theyre blending together.

27 June

Shes pregnant. Says shes seven months along but shes so old. Her belly is big. Papa is so happy. Hes gonna make a great dad. Did well by me. 

Im gonna be a sister. Gods I feel so damn old too old?

Mama was nearly glowing when I showed up last night. She didnt ask about the marks or scars, prolly didnt wanna know. I know Papa noticed them. Could see it in his eyes. Ill talk to him before I go back.

She said the Scholars already gave her time off for the baby, so all we have to do is wait. Gods, Papa is hovering constantly, making sure she had eveything she needs. Its funny, hes so protective. 

is the curse passed down to children?

Also gotta talk with Papa about te safe house. Dont know how hell react, given the ferals. Might take him out there to show him the house. Maybe thatll ease his mind. 

Gonna write a letter to Arnaeus then go to sleep. Hope hes doing okay. 

11 July

Furlough is over. Everything is back to normal, for the most part. Ended with the anniversary part at the goblin resort. It was stressful uncomfortable alright. Could smell them there. Turned once when I got too close to the others. Had to ask them to move. Felt really bad about it, but it could have been worse. Other than that, it was fun. Plenty of food, good friends. Random dwarf showed up and told a story about a cursed golden treasure. Then a gnome M knew showed up. She was nice. Good company. Went swimming and dunking afterwards. Dunked the commander once. Built a sand castle with Quvren. Well, he sat and drew while I built it. He helped though. Gave me the picture when he finished. It was amazing. Reminder: practice carving for his tool handles. All in all, better than last year. Didn't break my arm this time.

Going to help Calvrith today. Something about Saberon tribe in Draenor, wants them to be allies. Hope it goes well. Nervous I'll break and fail it for him. Got Masana and Izzy going, so it should go well I hope. Will update after it ends if we survive through it

21 June

Cant understand how people can sleep when theyre hurt. Too vulnerable, have to stay awake. Rubs hurt awfully bad. Cant bother Carmina about it, have to suck it up and deal with it. Almost feels like when they beat us whenever we lost. But this is nothing compared to that. No punctured lungs this time. 

Talked with Fro for a bit. It was nice. I-

*The next few lines are scratched out heavily, and in one place the paper tore through.*

Going to work on Q's paintbrush handles soon. Practice pieces turned out well, so I hope I don't mess up. Can't afford to screw up. Finished the new armour too. Not going to wear it yet. Need a weapon as well. Saw someone in the city with a spear-looking thing. It looked pretty useful. Might start training with one.

*The handwriting for this entry is thin and shaky, as if written by a weak hand*

Dont know what day it is. Maybe Thursday or Friday. Lost track of time. Its afternoon. Sun is past the high point.

Hate being sick. Feel so weak and helpless. Cant move much. Cant eat. Keep throwing up everything. Feels like food poisoning. Dont know. Just want to curl up in the corner and sleep. Starting to feel better though. Last few days (week?) was bad.

Had another nightmare. Cant shift back. First time since being home back. Blame it on being sick. Least Im not cold.

Wish this would go away soon.

12 August

Dear Momma and Poppa,

It feels like forever ago that I was down there. Hope both are doing good. Were not yet to the base, but we'll get there. Right now were in the Wetlands camping out so everyone can get better. We ran into some demons earlier, but theyre all dead. Got a bit hurt, but it was an accident, Im fine now. Did you two finally get to Stormwind? I hope so. This wont get to you for a few days, but when we get to the keep Ill send it, so dont worry. Take care of each other until I can get back. Dont know when thatll be, though. Dont talk to strangers either. Stay near the Cathedral or Keep; Im sure your scholar friends could let you guys hang out in the library, Momma.

I miss you guys. Stay safe.

Avo

*Another scrap of paper is folded behind the letter*

Poppa it hurts so much. I dont know if I can hold it back. Im scared Poppa.

26 august

shes gone. i cant believe it. it doesnt feel like it. i just saw her. she was just okay. she was alive. she

gods its all my fault i should have stayed then she would still here she would be alive gods why her

bringherbackweneedherbackineedherbackpleasegodsimsorryimissyouweneedyoudontleavemehere

please let me take her place. she doesnt deserve this. she is a good person. please please bring her back

im so sorry momma

6 September

I think the hardest thing in life are good-byes, since you never know when youll see someone again after that. One minute Im telling Poppa and Killian good-bye, and the next Im sailing away on a boat. I hate this. I dont want to leave them. I dont think Poppa could handle it if something happened to me; and if something happened to him then who would take care of Killian?

I gave Poppa my arrow head necklace so he wouldnt forget about me, and he gave me Mommas book necklace, the one she got when she became a Scholar. Gods I miss her so much. I dont want Killian to be like me, growing up without a parent. And I dont want him growing up without a sister, so no going crazy for me. Speaking of, when we reach Dalaran I need to find the nearest apothecary. The one in Stormwind said the one there could supply me with more of that potion to help me stay sane. Cant have another incident like before.

Its late. Think I might go lay down. Overheard some of the crew saying we should reach Dalaran within a day or two. I just want this to be over.

Dear Poppa,

Sorry I havent written to you lately. Been spending my time going back and forth from Dalaran and the forest Im working in. I know its no excuse. Sometimes I get so lost in this forest Val'sharah. Not lost as in dont know where to go, but lost as in wandering around exploring. This place is...beautiful, to say the least. You would love it here. Its so peaceful, quiet. The trees are so tall here too. One day you should come visit here, with Killian. There's these animals here, they have the body of a cat but the head of a bird. Feathers and fur. Overheard it being called a meowl. What kind of name is that? Elf name, prolly.

How are you doing? Everything okay back home? I need to come back and visit, but I doubt I can until were done here. Hopefully itll be soon, but no one knows. But when its over, Im going to come back home for a bit. Better yet, you should come move up to the Keep. Lots of the Servitors have family up here. Its safe, and you both will be close to me. Plus I can keep an eye on Killian for you if you ever need a break. But its your choice; Ill still visit wherever you are.

I miss you Poppa. And I miss Momma too. Can you visit her grave for me? Ill bring some flowers from here to plant there, pretty yellow ones. Hope to hear back from you soon.

Love, Avo